April 2010 Book Log

36. Mortal Causes by Ian Rankin
37. Fatal Voyage by Kathy Reichs
38. The Odyssey by Homer
39. The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
40. The 9th Judgment by James Patterson
41. Against Christianity by Peter Leithart
42. A Place to Stand by Gene Edward Veith
43. Preaching the Cross by Mark Dever
44. Stand by John Piper
45. To Change the World by James Davison Hunter

Children's Irrational Fears

We have had a few of these along the way. Anne Michal was deathly afraid of the big potty and so we had to carry her little potty with us every where we went. I have pictures of her waiting at the door with her potty in one hand and her baby doll under her other arm. She got over that one and moved on to the playground. One day we were at the playground and she was climbing around and she happened to look down at the walkway. It had holes in and you could see down to the ground. She totally freaked out, started screaming and wouldn't move. It was months before we could get her to play again. At the same time she would no longer swing in her swing that we had hanging on a treebranch. She'd tell me to just swing Elizabeth instead.
Then Elizabeth was dealthly afraid of cats. This started when she was a baby and we had an outdoor cat. She would crawl over to the storm door and pull up. If the cat walked across the carport into her line of vision she'd start screaming and screaming. I would tell her just to get down and crawl away, but it never worked. When she was a year, we moved to a new town taking the cat with us, but he ran away. A year later we moved again and our neighbors had a cat. She wouldn't even go outside because the cat might "get her." I couldn't even get her to walk from the door to the van; she insisted on being carried. I finally nipped that one in the bud by forcing her to stay outside, screaming the whole time until I guess it finally occurred to her, "Hey I have been out here a while and the cat hasn't gotten me."
Creed's irrational fear takes the cake though. Are you ready for this? He is terrified of stickers. Yes, stickers. Here is an example from today. We went to Kroger which he loves because he loves to drive the little car carts. We go through the self checkout and before I can stop him, the guy that mans the selfcheckout tried to give him stickers. He became hysterical. He sobbed and sobbed while I explained to the man that he is scared of stickers. My neighbor at the next checkout station laughed and laughed. Then one of the managers heard him crying and brought over stickers to console him. The man yells, "No! He is scared of them." She just looked at him. I assured her that it was crazy but true. To add to it, I had forgotten to buy something and we went back in to get it. We went through the self-checkout again and Creed kept his eyes on him at all times looking at him very suspiciously. I have to wonder just what he thinks a sticker is going to do to him.

wordless wednesday

A Message of Comfort , Hope, and Truth

It seems really weird to post a link to a funeral service, and I am not sure that I'd listen to one that someone else linked. I listened to Knox's funeral the other day for the first time in probably two years. I did cry as it brought back a lot of memories, but it was a real comfort to me to hear again that message of comfort, hope, and truth. We do not grieve as those who have no hope.

Click here to listen to A Service of Celebration for the Life of Matthew Knox Anderson that took place years ago today. I couldn't get it to link directly so you will have to scroll down until you see the title.

It's been 3 years...

I have thought a lot in the past several days or so about what I might want to post on Knox's birthday and while I have had a few blog posts rolling around in my head, none of them seem right for today. I kind of had this weird desire to write a poem,but there are no poems in this head of mine. I definitely do not think in poetry or at least it can't come out on paper as poetry.
This is the first time today that I have been able to just sit and think without other little voices around and I realize I just want to remember him. I don't want to think about this day 3 years ago; maybe I should, but I am choosing not to relive it today. I am choosing to not think of all the things we are missing, but to reflect on what we had.
So I am remembering these things about my blonde-haired blue-eyed Knox...

the wonder of the surprise he was
thanking God for him pretty much every day
siblings that loved to hold him, kiss him, feed him, and play with him
a sister that was constantly distracted by the desire to go play with you
soft, silky blonde hair
a little red birthmark on his belly
blue blue eyes
a contagious grin
people stopping to smile at him wherever we went
his running away and turning back to flash me a grin
the banana dance every morning
avoiding the banana display at the grocery store and trying to sneak them into the cart without him seeing them
his obsession with walking lines
his hair blowing in the wind
his brother and sisters piling a mountain of cheerios on his tray for him to eat
the way he felt in my arms
his hugs
the green paci and dogs that went wherever he went
how cute he was dressed in his little jon jons
how he was a bright spot on the darkest days
Sunday evenings of just me and him
little blue crocs and how he loved them
playing with his feet while stopped at the forever stoplight leading out of our neighborhood
his love of Cars....MAC! MAC!
how he looked sitting in his little chair reading his books
his ability to sit and play with trains for long period of time with Jack or by himself
his driving his cars on the windowsills
his love of life and the joy he brought us every day and many more...

Thank you Lord for giving us this sweet, sweet boy!

Thoughts regarding the term R.I.P

I have been seeing a trend a lot lately on facebook and in articles where people use the term R.I.P. when a person dies. Every time I see it I kind of immediately get that nauseated feeling that goes along with someone saying something really tacky. Because of this I decided to think through why I feel so strongly against people saying R.I.P. so and so. First I looked it up to see what the history of R.I.P. is. R.I.P. is the abbreviation for the latin term Reqiescat in Pace which means Rest in Peace. I couldn't find a lot of information on it but one source did say that it was said to assure the soul would not be tormented in eternity. I also saw references to it being used lightly in cartoons and such shows as The Family Guy.
Those finding though sparse confirmed my gut feelings. When I think of R.I.P., I think about halloween decorations(which I also find very tacky), cartoons, and bad over-the-hill jokes. My history of the term is of it being used in either a gory or joking manner. When I hear someone say R.I.P. , as silly as it sounds I think they might as well be saying "Word up!" or some other slang. Last I knew using slang for the death of a loved one was not acceptable. It definitely isn't a classy comment, a comforting comment, or even a hopeful comment. Why not say, "Hey, dude! I hope you aren't in eternal torment right now."
Whenever I see this term written, I always want to say, "Really? That is the best you have right now? You can't think of anything comforting or real to say." How about saying, "I am going to miss so and so. Praying for comfort for their family," or "So and So was a great friend and we shared so many wonderful memories. I am thankful they no longer know pain and sorrow." I can think of so many appropriate things to say and none of which are flippant and show lack of consideration for the person's family.
Honestly, and here is where it gets personal, if someone had started a facebook page called R.I.P. Knox Anderson, I'd have been terribly offended. I'd have thought they were treating him and us with no more consideration than people on a very tacky TV show, horror movies, halloween decorations, and bad jokes. Also, I'd have thought, "Is that really all they hope for him is that he rests in peace." Because I am pretty sure he is doing more than resting in peace. Yes he knows a peace that comes from lack of pain, sorrow, tiredness, and grief, but he is glorying in his redeemer and spending an eternity in blissful worship.
So next time, you'd like to comment on the death of someone you care about, take into consideration the words you say. Find something true and meaningful about the person's life. If they aren't a family member, think of words you can say that will bring comfort and pleasure to their family. Please don't be flippant and casual, but kind and caring.

What I've learned from Knox

I have been thinking lately about how life is different now than it used to be. The obvious would be the sorrow that I feel that I had never experienced before. There is no way to lose a child and be the same person ever again. What once was is no longer in so many different ways. I've talked often about seeing things through a different lens or perspective now; I often feel like that is ever changing as life continues.
I'd be lying if I said that I don't still feel a terrible sadness. It isn't always there but it tends to not go far away and returns easily. I really don't even wish that it would go away and never return. Maybe that is because I have seen how sadness and joy often intertwine though I often don't understand either. I'd also be lying if I said I don't still get angry, because I do. I still get mad he is gone and mad about how it happened and just mad in general. Fortunately, the shower wall doesn't have a hole in it yet. I do wish the anger would leave and never return.
What I don't think I expected was the gratitude that I sometimes feel. Here I am sad that he is gone and angry that he is never coming back, yet so very thankful. I am not thankful that he is gone or that this has happened to us; I don't ever see myself having that particular thankfulness. I do, however, feel a deep thankfulness for many things, many of which have come out of losing him. Some that are big and some that seem beyond ordinary that I would have taken for granted.
I am thankful that God has been faithful and steadfast; that just as He never left Knox he has never left us. No matter how sad or how angry I am; He does not change. There are many things I have not blogged about because they were either too personal or not my story to share, but when I look at the journey our family has traveled, I am thankful for how He has carried us and where He has brought us. It hasn't been easy and still isn't easy, but we aren't where we were, and I see Him working in every family member. I am also grateful that heaven no longer seems like some faraway place that I am not really anxious to get to because life seems to be here. No I am grateful that real life is there and this is just temporary. Jesus and the cross take on a whole new meaning.
Those are the big things, but there are also the little every day things that catch me by surprise that are still a part of His steadfastness...the warm sunshine, the hot sunshine, the wind blowing, all of creation for that matter, kids' smiles, smooth baby skin, wispy blonde hair, freshly-bathed children smell, dirty outdoor smell, helpful siblings, skipping boys, girls in flowing dresses, cars that run, a beautiful home to live in, precious friends, running water, indoor plumbing, being able to go buy advil for a sick child without having to balance the checkbook, being able to buy strawberries for a kid who wants them, being able to buy wholesome healthy food for my family, the knowledge to know how to feed them well...the list could go on and on. Sometimes I am moved practically to tears because I feel so provided for and cared for; better than I deserve. I know it probably seems really silly especially since I don't think I do a very good job of expressing thankfulness... At least, not in relation to how I feel.
This is the biggest thing I think that Knox has taught me: To not take for granted that which we have been given and to enjoy, treasure and live accordingly. I can honestly say, "I am blessed." Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17


To all my family and friends...I am incredibly grateful for all you do for us.

and incredibly thankful this master of the art of drool was and always will be a part of our family.