Saturday, October 29, 2011

She Walks, She Talks, She Plays Games

There have been times we have thought she said, "Hi!" or "Bye!", but I think we have to declare "tag" as her first word.  Crazy, I know, but she must have said it 20 times tonight.

A Knox Celebration--October 27, 2011

 ...the 6th year since the day of his birth. I can't count the number of time I added up the years and subtracted birth year from current year and then checked the other kids I know his age just to make sure that he really would be 6 this year.  Eventually, I had to accept that it was true. He would be 6. It has been 4.5 years and another birthday was going to come and go.
   It seems a bit odd to say that I wasn't particularly up to it since it probably isn't really on anyone's bucket list to celebrate the birthday of a child they have buried, but I was feeling rather weary of it all.  I have a feeling that it really wasn't any more so than any other year, but since this year, this 6th birthday year, was the one I was facing, it seemed particularly difficult.
    I, eventually, went to bed the night before(though really the morning of) feeling very heavy of heart and mulling many events and emotions over and over.  I certainly didn't awake in the morning feeling light of heart.  I'd be lying to say otherwise, but I did wake up singing Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken, and was a bit comforted.

Here are the lyrics for anyone that isn't familiar with them or that needs to be reminded:
Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken

1. Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee.
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

2. Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
O while Thou dost smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me,
Show Thy face and all is bright.

3. Man may trouble and distress me,
’Twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me;
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me,
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

4. Go, then, earthly fame and treasure,
Come disaster, scorn and pain
In Thy service, pain is pleasure,
With Thy favor, loss is gain
I have called Thee Abba Father,
I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me.

5. Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine.

6. Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer.
Heaven’s eternal days before thee,
God’s own hand shall guide us there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope shall change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

   It seems that I post the same pictures over and over each year.  We just all look a bit older, and I guess our number has grown. ;-) There is a bit of comfort in consistency and a feeling of being able to carry on.  Anne Michal thanked me at the end of the day for making it a "pretty good day."  Seeing them being able to smile makes it all worth while.

 Balloons ready to go....When we went to the party store, a soldier walked out as we were walking in.  Anne Michal happened to notice his name tag...KNOX.
 Creed with his balloon.  He stays pretty confused.  He waffled between thinking we were celebrating Knox the dog(what he calls Knox's stuffed dog) and wanting to know when Knox was going to show up.

Trying to get Janey Kate to hold a balloon.  We finally tied it to her belt loop.

 Emma getting ready to let go.

Jack watching as it

As usual, we had Sonic though I was really wondering what possessed me to have Sonic and not Chik Fil A the day I went into labor with him.

 The cake.  I made this one and Elizabeth decorated it.  She only lets us use these kind of sprinkles for his birthday cake.

After eating the cake Knox style(as in the video), the kids ran around and played. Elizabeth, Emma, and Creed all played Hide and Seek.  Janey Kate walked and walked and walked some more only stopping to try to put anything and everything in her mouth.  Jack and Anne Michal played a bit of baseball.

Looking forward to our reunion with Knoxie.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Wound the Death of a Child Brings

it's like...
a puncture deep that it runs through every nerve of your body over and over
a papercut... no one might see it but every little nudge makes it hurt
a wound to the can't put ointment on it to make it heal faster or a band-aid to protect it
a cut between your thumb and keeps getting reopened and hurts anew
a bruise...a sudden bang with a hurt that runs deep and colors your being
an pulls away your protective skin leaving you open, raw, and exposed

but my wounds are being tended and one glorious day will be completely healed.

"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."—Psalm 147:3.

How Sweet the Name
of Jesus Sounds

1. How sweet the Name of Jesus sounds
In a believer's ear!
It soothes his sorrow, heals his wounds,
And drives away his fear.
2. It makes the wounded spirit whole,
And calms the troubled breast;
'Tis manna to the hungry soul,
And to the weary, rest.
3. Dear Name, the rock on which I build,
My shield and hiding place,
My never failing treasury, filled
With boundless stores of grace!
4. By Thee, my prayers acceptance gain,
Although with sin defiled;
Satan accuses me in vain,
And I am owned a child.
5. Jesus, my Shepherd, Brother, Friend,
My Prophet, Priest, and King,
My Lord, my life, my way, my end,
Accept the praise I bring.
6. Weak is the effort of my heart,
And cold my warmest thought;
But when I see Thee as Thou art,
I'll praise Thee as I ought.
7. 'Til then I would Thy love proclaim
With every fleeting breath,
And may the music of Thy name
Refresh my soul in death.