Wednesday, March 18, 2009

One More Night

On Friday Jack misplaced his monkey Vines. We all searched but couldn't find him anywhere. He cried himself to sleep, but since he is worn out at night it didn't take long. The next morning he started looking for him as soon as he got up. We all looked again. We never did find him. That night and the next night he went to bed okay and without crying.

Monday, I bought a yellow Gerbera daisy in a yellow pot to take to the cemetery. I walked in the house with the flower and you would have thought the kids had never seen a flower before. They were so excited I had bought a flowering plant and pestered me with questions. They wanted to know were we going to plant it outside, where I was going to put it, and could they keep it in their rooms. I kind of hated to tell them it was going to the cemetery because then not only would they know we weren't keeping the flower at home but I'd make them sad too. I told them it was to take to the cemetery anyway, and we started thinking about when we could go. Jack wanted to know if everyone could take something like last time. They all took individual flowers then and laid them on Knox's grave. I told him that they probably could. Then he wanted to know if he could take Knox some of his cars because Knox liked to play cars you know. Yes, I know and yes, I told him that he could take some. He picked out a couple to take and then it was like he just couldn't get it out of his brain that we were going to the cemetery to take things to Knox's grave and well, it is always hard for me to think of taking them to the cemetery where it seems like death is harsh and real.

So back to Vines, the monkey. When it came time to go to bed, Jack breaks down in tears. He lays himself across my lap and sobs. "I just can't go another night without Vines; I just love him so." My mind immediately went to Knox. Then I wondered. Is this just about Vines? Or is it really about Knox? He's five; it is probably just about Vines. I understand his sadness though because for me it is about Knox. I know all about not wanting to go another day or another night because I love him so.

And the yellow Gerbera...because I think of him in yellow.


Kierstyn said...

I've been thinking about you guys a lot lately. I've been thinking about Knox too. When I think of him, I think about him at Micah's first birthday party, playing baseball with the rest of us and eating large amounts of hot dogs. Tomorrow's Micah's birthday party, and I wish his friend Knox could be here.

~Kathy~ said...

((((Rachel)))) Praying for all of you, especially sweet Jack. I do hope Vines turns up.


Aunt Melissa said...

I love you all so much!! Praying for you every day!!

Adam and Andrew said...

My heart hurts for each of you.

andrea said...

This must be part of the reason God has had you guys on my mind SO much since last week. We love you!